Wednesday, 29 September 2010

On changes

I've been doing a lot of thinking, pondering and praying lately. I'm completely over my job and need a change. But I can't seem to figure out what I want to do. My degree pretty much means nothing. I would like another job, but I don't know what to go for.

I'm thinking about studying again, but I'm not sure I really want to. A part of me knows I have to do something and I can't keep on complaining about my job when I don't do anything to change it. The people at work are starting to bring me down with their moods. I try not to let it affect my positivity but a bad mood atmosphere can really affect me.

I'm sick of rude customers, I'm sick of not having enough staff and them expecting us to do all sorts of jobs plus serve. I'm sick of people leaving things all over the place and expect us to clean up after them. I'm sick of staff complaining because it makes me want to complain.

I've been at this job for nearly 3 years and I just need a change. I do want to get out of retail, but I'm afraid that I'll feel the same in a different job unless I find something that I will enjoy.

If I study I was thinking of doing a librarian course. It won't be at university but at Southbank Institute. My dad offered to pay for my tuition because my parents know how much I desire to get out of retail and I've wanted to work in a library for awhile now.

My biggest problem is confusion. I can't seem to make a decision and I feel like I'm just wasting time. There are soo many things I want to do with my life and I can't seem to organise myself properly. I'm just so frustrated! It's creeping into my personal life and making each work day a struggle and making me emotionally exhausted at home. For example I was cutting up a watermelon and dropped a piece on the floor. For some reason it was the turning point in making me break. Dropping a piece of watermelon brought me to tears?! I pretty much curled into a ball and cried while Jason held me.

Anyway, I didn't mean to go on in this post. It sort of came out. I try not to let negativity be a part of this blog but there are times when I can't seem to stop it.

I definitely need to pray more and rely on God more in this time of my life. I'm going to take action and try and make this change and not sit and sulk.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!! And sorry for such a depressing post...just feeling a bit down.


Katyha said...

If this change is going to make you happy in the long run, I say take it.

krissy ♥ said...

I can totally sympathize with what you feel because I've been feeling the same for months now. I feel like life is flashing by so fast with me getting left behind. What I've decided is to look for another job next year, hopefully 2011 will be full of beginnings for me.

I am hoping and praying for the same for you. Sending some virtual hugs and love from Manila :)

Caro said...

Oh Gracie, you are just human, you are aloud to have bad days and crying sometimes is the only solutions so don't be afraid and especially don't be ashamed of it.
I got your card today, I meant the world to me, you have no idea how much I appreciated it. I hope to one day be able to thank you in person.

Claire Kiefer said...

Everyone's allowed to be frustrated sometimes. I hope that you do take the librarian course, because I feel like we almost never regret making a move/change. And there's all the time in the world, too--it's not like we ever have to settle on a career path, you know? Good luck, sweet Gracie!

Unknown said...

Oh, Gracie, I am so sorry! Definitely go back to school, or do something different! I feel for you, I was in a job I absolutely hated, I would wake up in the night crying and I felt sick every morning, dreading going. I still get flashbacks of the awfulness. Maybe it would help to put stuff on paper so you can see your options more clearly. In the meantime, I will be praying for you, you are a lovely and talented lady! XX!

Anastasia said...

oh honey - sounds like you need to do some soul searching and just focus...go for whatever you desire and it will happen for you!! there is no need to stay in a job that makes you sad and frustrated...hang in there but defn go for that change!! change is good and when you close one door, you can always open another!!

Wenny said...

I've been in the same predicament at work for a few years before I finally said "Enough is Enough" ... I retired! This meant alot of adjustment in finance, time and responsibilities ... but time really flies and it's 7 months already. Look in from outside the box ... you'll see what you really want.

Anna Walker said...

Sometimes change is best! The world does need more librarians and maybe you can find something else in retail for the meantime? I'm sorry you have to go through this, but maybe you'll find something you love! :)

Kayla said...

Bad days are there for good in my opinion. They show us what you're blind to during the good times. I hope you take take a path that makes you happy and try not to over think things. (easier said than done I know!)

Ramblings of a Small Town Girl

pip a la chic said...

Oh you poor thing. Hopefully you can figure out what you want to do with your life. It's so hard isn't it? I am in retail too and I DISLIKE so much! Just boring after a while. Good luck with whatever decision you make. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

Sandy a la Mode said...

awww gracie! i totally feel the same way as you soo many times in life!! you really need to think about what is best for you now and in the long run~!! i know it's always a hard choice though, you should take your time b/c you don't want to rush into the wrong decision either, you aren't wasting time!! xo

Andhari said...

I think if deep inside you know that's what you want to do then do it. It'll be challenging at first but I guess you're going to be so happy in the end :) good luck!

OneCraftyFox said...

Sorry you are feeling down sweetie... :(

You are entitled to some frustration and a shoulder (or computer filled with friends) to lean on.

If you have the opportunity to take some courses and change careers, I highly recommend it. I learned shortly after graduating that I despised my line of work. I changed career paths slowly but surely and am thrilled about it.

I am having an interactive "Style Me Pretty" blog giveaway... I would love it if you joined!

Alyssa said...

OH Gracie!!

all hard decisions are made when you are at a point of frustration.

sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and just go with what your heart wants

(and personally, i would be getting out of retail before christmas rush starts!! EWWWWW, stressed parents looking for toys!)

Kristen said...

I love that quote by Ghandi...

Change is hard. And you won't know if you're making the right decision until you make it. But you know you're unhappy, and your generous dad offered to pay for your schooling, so I say go for it!! I know it seems like a big change, but in the end, if you don't like being a librarian... you can always change again.

~April~ said...

I know exactly how you feel. I worked for a company for almost 3 years and grew to completely hate it there! But after lots of prayer and a little patience, I found an absolutely wonderful job! I've been here over 5 months now and still totally love it! So, keep praying and keep your head up. I know God has great things in store for you! :)

Emma Jade said...

i know how you feel, ive only just decided what i want to do after years of retail hell!
Just take some time and really think about where you imagine youself in 5/10 years time.
Hope you find what youre looking for!

Style, She Wrote said...

Cheer up! It can be tough figuring things out. In my experience, when I've stopped trying to figure things out and just enjoy what's in front of me and taken advantage of opportunities, things usually go the way I've hoped. :) Good luck!

heather said...

Hi Gracie, I hope you are starting to feel a little better. Sometimes just getting it out and writing it down helps! And feeling supported. And crying over splatted watermelon. Lord knows I've had my share of such double spills.

Nobody can really help you make the decision, because it comes from within, but from reading your post, it really does sounds like you kinda know what to do. It's just taking that step into the direction of change that's so difficult. Maybe giving yourself some alone and quiet time to just meditate and breathe on it will help, or making a list!

I'm almost positive there will be a post from me about decisions in the near future too. Like I say, sometimes writing it down is the best therapy!

Sending you a big hug!

Dree said...

I will be thinking about you. If you aren't happy, you deserve a chance to change things!

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

Hang in there lady. Weight the pros and cons and you'll come up with a decision!

ohjoana said...

Gracie, dear I understand you so deeply! My fear is bigger, because I am only for three months in a job and I totally would give a finger to get out of it and do something I would love, but what? I don't feel like working in my degree because I don't feel that identified with the problematics of the job, what I really would like to to sounds more like a dream today than other thing. I am afraid to stay stuck in something I don't like for the rest of my life without options to change.

Customers and the rules in the job are what the most horrifies me. Not everyone is idiot, there really nice people, once a I commented with a co-worker I needed water because I forgot to buy a bottle and the customer almost forced me to take one of the bottles she was buying and then she also told me she could buy me one, or the customer who told me she would make a cake to give me.

Would you like to predict the future?

Much love,

its simple love said...

I agree that praying really helps in the guidance and direction in life, especially when it can be so foggy. Maybe you just ned a leap of faith and he will guide you to what you need to do exactly while you put in every effort you have. He'll do the rest as long as you give all you can. And really, it's so worth it to work in a field you are passionate about. It effects your every day.


p.s. It's the last day to enter my Lil Petite Jewelry Giveaway!!!

Kellie Collis said...

Follow your heart and everything will fall into place! Have a beautiful day, Kellie xx

I'm Sydney. said...

It's not at all depressing, because all of us, need change and go through difficult times. As irritating as that may be sometimes.
I know God will pull you through - I'm not learning that in my life too! My Papa always said "if you don't absolutely love doing something, don't do it. Do what you LOVE. Because once you reach the stars, you want to land on the moon."

Micaela said...

oh my goodness, you took the words from my mouth and heart. my degree is mass communications-- you think that would cover a lot and all i was asking was something secretarial... but the job market is scarce here.

don't get me wrong- i'm thankful to have a job and love that it at least has something to do with a passion (puppies) but still.. the amount i get paid for the hours i work (also trying to make up for coworkers who leave without notice etc) is ridiculous! and embarrassing.

i get you. i get you i get you!

so thank you for your honesty.

kisses xo

Anonymous said...

hi girl,

i know how you feel. it wasn't too long ago (in fact, i still experience those feelings every now and then) that i was in the exact position as you were! confused over the direction of my job and being so depressed over it that it started affecting not only my social life but personal life too. i wanted a change (working in retail too) but am unsure of where i wanna head towards.

so now, while im still at my current job, i try to seek pleasure from activities outside of work. its important to keep the work life balance going on. anyhow, you know deep inside that you want a change and if there's nth else that's holding you back, you should go ahead and make that change. :) i wish you luck.

:: Lavender's Green :: said...

Oh, you poor thing :( I know what you mean and how you feel. My job is great, but the people I work with are completely immoral and it really gets me down.

I say go for the librarian course! I think that would be a great job for you, it's everything you love! Imagine working in the YA section of a library - amazing!

Good luck! Things will get better, I promise :)

x Jasmine